Self & Image

ImageImageThere is always going to be something negative we can say about our body.   Whether we are 19, 25, 35 or 50.  We will never have the body that even comes close to the airbrush jobs we get to compare ourselves to in ads and brochures. Even the person standing in front of you at the grocery store you are secretly envying,  you dont know their story.  Genetics, plastic surgery, botox, starvation, make up, obsession, abuse.   Since  being the very best looking we possibly can, at all cost is now as important as fidelity in a marriage.  Apparently we are just not good enough if we are not killing ourselves to be perfect.  That is a bunch of bull and I deserve to tell you my opinion now.  How dare you “society, media, followers, you, me and everyone” degrade imperfection, it is such bullshit.  I shower every day, i eat properly most of the time, i exercise regularly, i try to improve in all areas in my life regularly, i read, laugh, rest, work and have far more discipline and commitment than most of these” i am perfect and i will teach you how to look perfect because you are not up to standards”.  After this  regiment, i still do not measure up to society’s finest and i have done more damage to my body and esteem than before i started.   I have to work twice as hard and still, not even close to perfection.  Its a load of crap.  I do not believe your persona and your false confidence one bit.  The novelty will always wear off only to notice something else that doesnt look just right.

Advertising really gets me going too, its legal fraud.  Its so clever and mind teasing.  Its so appealing and magical.   Although this appeals to some people, there is more to life than ego.   It is only the ego that gives into this trickery.  I will be more successful if i look this way, i will make better tips if i get implants.  Maybe so, but true raw confidence and a good attitude will also get better tips.  There is always more than one way to look at things, even if you are the only one looking in a different direction.   It bothers me that these woman with all quick fixes have the nerve to give advice and teach impressionable woman how to live the life you have always wanted, when just because they look together, does not mean they are.   The reason the woman who are bigger do not live the life of their dreams at their size has really nothing to do with their looks, its their brainwashed minds that are programed to think less of themselves.  I am your advocate.  Screw them.  Wear your yoga pants at a size 40 with pride if that is what you decide to wear.  Let your muffin top hang out.  Go to the store without make up.  Be brave, you are worthy.  You and i are perfect without even trying.  Geeze, do not join the crowd and get botox, lip injections, breast enhancement, lipo suction, not to mention, dress and act like its up to your example to show people what it looks like to be beautiful.  It just bothers me that these woman can fake a self esteem and self worth better than all of us and then try and sell it to us with false information and a quick remedy and make a hefty living doing it.   I am deeply disturbed by societies standards and refuse to stoop to this level of a false self image.    I am sticking up for real woman.  The woman who have a little extra, bigger curves.  I am saying what a warrior, what a fight for a good cause, what inspiration to have love enough for yourself to honour your body because it does all the work you ask of it.  Because it works like a machine, a machine many take for granted.  When we get cut, our body without question and immediately starts healing itself.  Our body without question or doubt digest any choice of food you put in it.  Even if we dont feel the need to feed it the best of the best, and by this i mean fresh fruit, and vegetables, no additive protein sources, fiber, and the wonderful world of omegas, plain water and at this point your body will deal well with the occasional treat.  Our body heals itself, inside and out, breathes without asking it, tells us exactly what it needs if we pay close enough attention to it, can heal healths problem instantly with the trust and belief of our amazing brains.  All this and yet apparently its not good enough.  It has to be changed enough that we will get the attention from others that we refuse to give ourselves.  Stop this minute and look at yourself forgive yourself for not measuring up.  Forgive yourself for not following along with the self destructive path of perfection.  Love yourself for all it does.  Appreciate it and enjoy your life.  Loving yourself is to accept what you have right now, bulges, stretch marks, cellulite and all.  After all, there are many quick solutions but the ending will always be the same, not good enough.    Improvement on our distorted belief of self image is a better time spent than trying to please perfection.   The longer, seemingly impossible road to self love will bring the end to hating our perfect working body,  and the beginning of a beautiful new outlook on your body.  i want you woman to know if you do pay thousands of dollars a year on youth and the idea of are as beautiful now and you were before and i am not hating on you.  I am not judging you with hatred.  In fact, i know many people who have changed their looks surgically for the sake of looks, and are dear friends of mine.   I am also not saying i am right and you are wrong.  I am simply saying i want to remind us of another way, another choice.  I do not like things about my body but i am going to die on this earth with peace and love in my heart about all that i am worth, i pray i never give in, never doubt and never worry that i am not enough just as i am.  We need to start loving ourselves, we need to teach our children what is important, what inspires us, what love is.  I also understand there are millions of people who feel so differently than this.  We do not have to jump on the band wagon every time something appears to be better than this moment.  We still have a choice,  we can change our harsh personal beliefs, turn them into love and acceptance, this mentality will provide a peace about our selves, our body, our worth for the long hall.  You will never say i am not enough.  We are enough, we are love, now what is the harm in believing this.

As i read this back, i do wonder if i am portraying a hypocrite.  I have worn make up, got my hair done, coloured my hair and things of this nature.  I do feel differently when i get dressed up.  This is a work in progress for me, i want to be clear, i am not perfect nor will i ever be.  My goal is to accept and love myself, some days its easy, some days i do not, but i will be a constant advocate for the underdogs in our society.  Do not give up!  We are here for a purpose, and i do not believe its to worry about perfecting our looks.



Look at it This Way.

What a spectacular view!wall mural for living roomThis picture is so beautiful and peaceful to me its mesmerizing.

This is also a nice reminder what life can portray on one day.  Quiet calm waters, beautiful silhouette of tropical palm trees.  A brilliant view of one of our fellow planets.  Whether its photo shopped or not, its a beautiful picture.  What you can imagine to be a gorgeous beach, warm air and peace.

I also believe there are two sides to all living things.  A positive and a negative, an inside and an outside, pros and cons, good and bad side.  With these thoughts, i tend to believe in the energy of YinYang.  For example, this could be a place where there will be a great storm that will take out far too much land and life than we want to believe.  This beautiful photo could also at a different time could be a devastating photo.  When i think of this, many scenarios start to reveal themselves in my mind.  All things, and people can be described using YinYang.

People for instance, however worked up and vicious you have seen someone, there is also a side which would have to be, according to this law, the opposite.  Soft, kind, caring etc.  We observe people in a bad mood and decide they are the most ridiculous individual they have ever come across.  When i dont care what you say, we have all acted like total assholes at one time or another and we will most definitely do it again.  We are not perfect and sometimes risks dont end so perfectly.

We could also look at this theory in a different light, where the most softest and gentlest person you have ever met, would also have both side of YinYang.  We cannot seem to exist with only Yin or only Yang.  It is like a cycle of anything.  Like life, we are born, there is joy, we die and there is sorrow.  Any opinion for example, there is one side where a percentage of people will agree with and the other side will have a percentage that will agree with them.  Who is right, who is better?  Everyone will agree that they themselves are?   Even if it is something so volatile you cant imagine there be one person who would agree with it, there will be far more than one.

I wanted to write this because I/We sometimes forget that there is 2 sides to everything and it is not always the popular or most agreed upon ways that are the way we are supposed to agree upon.  Chocolate is wonderful for a lot of people, and for a lot of people it is an allergy, a bad memory, or just a dislike.  If we take the emphasis off our judgement and opinion, only for a moment, we can decide to see the clear, beautiful picture.   Things that matter begin to change, matters of the heart become more important than matters of the “idiot driving in front of you”, because we all know everyone but you, is an idiot.  lol

Be brave and open your self up to seeing things with a wider perspective.  I have and peace follows because my way could be anyway i choose to see it, all ways are real and a choice.  We just have to decide, what personally are we open up to, what fulfills us, what makes us want to enjoy ticking.


Introverts, extroverts, and assholes oh my!

I am truly an introvert, one of the many reasons why it is great to share my views without having feedback and interruptions.   For those who are extroverts, you may have a better understanding of people or you may not.  That is none of my business and i like it that way.

I really try hard not to judge people, although this is a challenge as we all know.  We are creatures who think that our way is the best way.  Mean while 90% of this universe unconsciously hates themselves, so why is our way the best way.  I had a conversation with a friend a while ago who was telling me a story.  She had ran into someone who went to the same high school as I did.  She proceeded to tell me she asked him if he knew me.  lol hahahahah  I am laughing hysterically because i had a very different high school experience than a lot of people, but know i was not alone.  I was practically mute in high school.  I never spoke, unless i was spoken to and i did not make myself open to people over all.  I had my small group of girlfriends with whom i would have lunch with and hang out with on occasion after school and on weekends.  I do not remember any conversations with boys at all in high school.  Now i know it was my non verbal signs that people were reading.   I was painfully shy and had no clue how to flirt, or attract any boys to me.    So back to the story of my friend.  This guy, she asked if he knew me, it was really not possible, as when you are quiet and shy you tend to disappear into the back ground.  Which was not good or bad, it was just the way it was.  He said i know her, she was the one who was always crying.  Some people love to make others look bad when ever possible because they hate themselves.   Well the truth is, he was thinking of someone else.  I know this because one of the other fazes i went through in high school was i could not cry.  This was probably a coping strategy.  I proceeded to tell my friend he must be talking about someone else and i explained why.  She said, its ok, i cried a lot in high school too, no big deal.  I just stared at her in disbelief, and did not say more.   My point of this story is that she did not believe me, she believed what worked for her, because if she believed this story she was not alone.   This was one of my famous pivitol  moments in my life where i realized people do not really care about the truth, they believe what they want, even things that happen right in front of their eyes.  The moral of this story is, and this may take a life time to accomplish, is to live your life how ever you see fit and let the world make up their own story.  It goes back to my favorite saying that its none of my business what other people think of me.  I have never been a great lover of the human race, my heart is open, but i am happy with the few people i have in my life, they are true to me.  I am not looking for friends at work, i am not looking for friends in my neighborhood.   These friendships happen on their own and maybe they wont.   I enjoy saying hello and smiling at people but nothing much further after that.  I love all people at a distance and it is working for me.   I am not a sounding board just because i do not like to fill the air with meaningless small talk.   I am not a problem solver for those who want to tell me about all of the problems they created.  I am not you personal therapist or referee.  I only allow people into my life that are being responsible for theirs.  People who go to the source to fix their problems, people who do not spend their day making fun of other people and tell me how easily strangers problems can be fixed.  I am a happy loner.  I do not believe anything i hear and only half of what i see.  In my life i want to spread love and joy.  You do not have to reciprocate,  this is not my point.  I want to spread love because it keeps my mind and body in healing mode.  I brings me comfort to know if i send out love, than there must be others who do the same looking for nothing in return.  Hope your journey in life brings you true happiness and not the pretend kind that comes from others downfalls.  Only you will know.

Self Discipline and Mind Set with Weight Loss

Self -Discipline is the ability to do what you should do, when you should do, whether you feel like it or not”-Elbert Hubbard-

Also a popular definition of Success is “being able to live your life in your own way, doing only those things that you want to do, with the people who you choose, in the situation you desire.”

As i read these words something happens.  There is all of a sudden the feelings of discomfort, dread, worry, and probably 20 others i just couldn’t point out due to unawareness.  I usually sigh every time i read them.  I even hesitate to write this post based on a fear only life long dieters know.  I have begun to accept my body, in all it can do for me and because it always does what i ask it to do, whether i am conscious of it or not.  For example, if i go into the next step of anything with doubt, than i am telling myself a message of sabotage.  I have decided that even though i am proud of myself for taking great care of my body, i know my body would thrive with a bit of weight loss.  This is the medicine that makes all of my concerns with myself and my body at ease.  I will be getting rid of a lot of unnecessary pains in my body.  My carpal tunnel will lighten up.  I will have more energy.  All sorts of good things.  This journey will include doing so many things that are very hard to imagine continuing for life.  I was doing quite the regiment a couple years ago.  This is when i was able to lose 20 pounds in a year.  It also took every ounce of motivation i could find within myself to do the workouts. i would plan them from books i bought.  I did my workouts at home.  It would take me sometimes 2 hours to finish, and followed by 30 minutes to an hour on the stationary bike.  I also took out sugars for a few 5-6 months. I read labels and did research to find where all sugars will be hiding.  Of course we know carbohydrates and sweets and fruits and juices.  There is loads of sugars in yogurts, milk, almond milk, some veggies, cereal,   I also watched salt intake, bad fats, and ate gluten free, under 8-9gms of sugar and about 1000 calories a day and counted them.  I did allow myself a day on the weekend where i chose a meal not known to be nutritious, and a nice  high calorie dessert.  This is what it took me to lose 20 pounds in a year.  Then following this year journey totally worth the hard work and effort,  i came to a plateau.  Not a couple weeks, or even a couple months, it went on like this for a year.  I changed up variety often as to keep all muscles engaged and learn new disciplines, also changing variety in my diet often as well.  This is the part where i said you know what….%^$*%&*^$ ^&*!!!!!, and also the part where my efforts seemed tiring and not a lot of changes in anything,  This is where i usually quit trying.  oh and gain all the weight back and more.  This is where i am supposed to keep going at full steam.  Where i was supposed to decide to continue to live this way because i felt better, had no pain in my body besides the rewarding pains that come from pushing my previous limits.  My body must of ran like a top.

Now this time i am going to have to barrel past the challenging plateau and change drastically my mind set, get ready for the negative thoughts, and just keep doing.  Do, Do. Do.  This is an action word, it takes action to use it.  This challenge must begin at this moment and continue on, even when i make mistakes.  This is a whether you feel like it or not realization.  The sun on my face today may have pushed me to this post im sure.   I have a feeling i am not alone. Lets do this together. “ Determination is choosing, between what you want now, and what you want most!“  Get Ready to love the journey.

Love, A Battle Worth Fighting For

I am one of those woman who found love when i least expected it.  It was the perfect time, it always is.  10 years ago i was introduced to my spouse through a co worker.  It was a time in my life that i guess you could say i had been recovering from a series of disappointing choices i had made in the past.  I was on my way to a more fulfilling life.  I had started a new job at a health and wellness center, something that had always interested me.  When Randy and I met I thought he was the kindest man I ever knew, besides my father.  He was easy to talk to and made me laugh till my face was red hot and tears were streaming down my cheeks.  Definitely a quality i look for.  Hahaha  We spent a lot of time together and since neither of us lived alone we spent a lot of time at Alexander Park at the river talking.  We called it our living room.  We spent time at our friends cottage by the water, at bonfires, playing darts or pool, throwing a ball around, or just hanging out.  We got engaged and to me this is as official as marriage.  We are committing  to each other but deciding not to spend thousands of dollars to celebrate our love and changing our name.  We are just going to love.  It was a short few months after we got engaged, when Randy was involved in a car accident.   It was the day of my birthday actually, 2005. This was a crash course in our relationship too.  I guess trust sometimes cannot be appreciated until when you fall and the other half is there to catch you.   This began a series of tests and obstacles, one after another for many years.   Tests on our relationship included.  I remember making a motto for us.  Difficult and stressful times can play with our emotions and we would experience times of sometimes ugly and painful fights,  I used to say, “we have to remain on the same team”.  This has become my greatest advice in relationships.  Randy eventually got back surgery which cause new challenges and different pains.  Changing the entire dynamic of what a relationship should include.   The entire relationship was put on the back burner through out the worst of it.  When you become a caregiver to your partner, the balance of the relationship suffers.  Also seeing your loved one in pain and discomfort regularly, pride crushed, trying to accept this fate was not a short ride.  But we decided as a team to live our best life together regardless.  We began to laugh again together and allow each other to fall apart as often as necessary as long as we got back up.   We started to be able to move past the challenges we faced.  We began to build a new and stronger relationship together.  There is a genuine understanding with each other that i believe will keep us growing in love for many years.  I challenge this world to learn a deep love, if you havent  already.  Love your partner with no, “only ifs”, or ” i just wish”.  Accept fully your decision no matter what point you are at right now to fully love your partner.  If you are going to invest time, it would be wise to focus on the best parts and slowly with love work on the rest…together.  I send deep compassion to anyone struggling with love and encourage you to love together.   My deepest love to Randy Verner.